My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize