I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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