he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
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