I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
