do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm like, not good at living.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize