You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
