You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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