Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
