I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
