I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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