the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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