Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
