Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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