Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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