That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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