Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
