I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
