I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
