what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
