I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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