WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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