Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
