Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
