Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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