But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize