just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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