you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
