OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
