it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
