I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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