can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
