dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize