He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
