Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize