Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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