capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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