he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
