He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
