I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
