Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
this hospital has no fireball
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
