You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
