Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
