i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
