John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
