yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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