You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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