could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
