you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
