Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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