Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
