Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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