Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
