Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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