i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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