the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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