I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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