Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
