I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize