My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
