Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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