evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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