It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
