Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
