69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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