Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
