I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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