he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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