and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
