trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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