and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
