Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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