Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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