I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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