bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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