I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
