I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
MIDGETS
????
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
