It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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