Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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