Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
