dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
