we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize