The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
