Kiss
Puke
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
