Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
